“Doubt is a good servant but a bad master.”
Adventurous would not be an adjective to describe me. My scaredy cat nature was on full display as a child one Halloween, when I had to hide my Witchy Poo costume from myself, the mask only making an appearance on top of my head for trick or treating purposes. That doesn’t mean I can’t live vicariously through others though! One such person would be Theodore Roosevelt, who was nothing if not the very definition of intrepidness. The kind of man who went cougar hunting for fun and finished a 90 minute speech after taking a bullet to the chest. I recently watched, riveted, a documentary on Roosevelt’s harrowing scientific expedition through the “River of Doubt”, an uncharted, ink black, crocodile infested, tributary, winding a thousand miles down the Amazon in the depths of the Brazilian rain forest during the height of the rainy season. Roosevelt, who had already experienced tremendous sorrow and hardship in his life, including the death of his wife and mother on the very same day, threw himself full force against the cruelest trial to be found in nature. The two month trek he and his small party of men endured, renders “Naked and Afraid” a glamping getaway. Facing lethal rapids, hostile natives, starvation, injuries, infections, tarantulas, relentless insect bites, venomous snakes, and even 3 deaths, Roosevelt remained undaunted. Most impressive of all was Roosevelt’s unyielding will and determination as a response to every one of the seemingly unending obstacles. It is exactly this mindset that is required when facing the greatest roadblock of all in tms recovery….the one of doubt. While my journey with tms was not one I would have chosen, as was Roosevelt’s escapade, it often felt like the river he traversed, one that defied direction… that twisted and turned, and doubled back and forth. This may strain credulity, but I’m grateful for the imposition of tms, for without it, I would still be living in my old life.
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over, if you just sit there.” Will Rogers
Just as Roosevelt and his men were confronted with fallen trees blocking their path, so will you in the form of doubts, and the fear that arises from doubt. It would be unfair and overly simplistic to say that mind body symptoms are self inflicted…after all no one decides to suffer physically on purpose!, but I do believe that some of our blocks and barriers on the path of reversing the tms habit, can be self created. Perhaps the most common, and by far the most destructive and insidious, is the role of doubt. It’s normal to have doubt about the tms diagnosis and doubt is endemic to the human condition, since it serves as a protective mechanism. Some measure of skepticism is useful, but when taken to the extreme it can be an impediment to our growth and expansion. The symptoms of the body tell the tale of the psyche. Occurring initially as a distraction strategy from the cauldron of unconscious emotions threatening to bubble over, they quickly become a habit, entrenched by our recurring thoughts. If doubts cause you to believe in faulty arguments, the symptoms will persist for as long as your thinking remains unchanged. As Migel de Unamino noted, “To fall into a habit is to cease to be”, and it is precisely within this state of mind, that the regressive pull of doubt has you in its clutches. In “Think Away Your Pain”, Dr. Schechter describes this state as “chronification”… “where doubt has crept in.. and becomes chronic it’s a different animal.” Indeed it is the animal of our intellect and one that buries our emotions. As Dr. Dan Ratner points out, “Doubt can be seen as a malfunction of the distraction mechanism in a sense.”
The first step in tackling doubt is to accept it and let it in, in all its varied guises. One mask it wears is the one of truth. Humans have a tendency to assume their thoughts are the truth, so we must hold our thoughts up to scrutiny. Physical symptoms can be placed in the same construct of doubt thoughts. Our only job is to not take them seriously. Think of doubt as a bad poker player or a compulsive liar, and your only job is to not be bluffed by its twisted logic. Doubts efforts may be relentless, but its arguments become flimsier and more laughable as each one is disputed and dismantled. Ask yourself if certain thoughts are logical, and from where did they originate? Do you doubt that you are in the same Amazonian canoe as other mind body sufferers? Do you think that your symptoms somehow preclude you from getting better? Do you doubt your own capacities and capabilities? Endeavor to list of all your doubts and counter them with logic and evidence. Take notice of new ones that attempt to infiltrate, and make the determination to squash each one like the pests and bugs that they are. The only thing you will need to conquer doubt, is proof from science and the information you have acquired along the winding trail. Stay vigilant! Doubt depends on you to forget what you already know, so don your doubt armor and consistently remind yourself that you have access to information that the vast majority do not. Wherever you are in your trip on your own “river of doubt”, remember that victory is inevitable. Doubt is no match for you and it will scamper away like the cowardly “girly man” it is. So start collecting proof, the way Roosevelt and his men collected specimens of the jungle, and that will strengthen belief. As Roosevelt declared, “Believe and you are half way there!”
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