When I first learned about mind-body healing, it immediately made sense to me. But I did not know how and where to start.
After about a month of trying my pain was still raging through my body, and I got very upset. Upset with myself, because I read in the Dr. Sarno’s book about all these people who listened to his lecture and were pain-free within days. I, on the contrary, didn’t seem to get anywhere. Something must be wrong with me, I thought, maybe, I need to try harder and work more on my healing!
Well, back then I did not realize that my habit of being tough on myself was one of the reasons why I got sick in the first place. As Dr. Sarno noticed, a lot of his chronic pain patients were what he called TMS personality: perfectionists, do-gooders, type A personalities often tough on themselves. As a result, they often end up with anxiety, depression, migraines, and wide variety of chronic pain.
What is a solution? Stop pushing yourself towards achieving your goals? Sit on the couch and do nothing? Not at all. The issue is not about what you do in your life, it is about how you go about doing it. Kristin Neff, PhD, the pioneer of the study of self-compassion, defines it in this way:
- Being kind to yourself vs being judgmental. Take example of me being mad at myself for not healing fast enough. Was it helpful that I was upset? No, because by being angry I was increasing my anxiety, and instead of creatively looking for better ways to achieve my goal, I kept doing the same thing while hoping for better results. Would you be mad at your friend or your child when they are failing? No, you would rather encourage them and try to ease their anxiety. Why not do it for yourself?
- Being mindful vs self-identifying with your lack of success. The more you dwell on your perceived failure, the more you get immersed in the loop of negativity. Result? Even less success and more negativity. Stepping back and rationally, mindfully assessing situation helps in finding a better path to success.
- Common humanity vs self-isolation. What would you tell your friend who struggles to pass a difficult exam? You would point out that others struggle too, that we all are human and can make mistakes while taking a hard test. Why not do it for yourself? It is not about finding an excuse to fail, it is about supporting yourself emotionally through the difficult times, just how you would do it for your friend.
Going back to my own story, it took me a while to learn self-compassion, and eventually I healed from CRPS and moved on with my life.
I still occasionally fall into the trap of self-judgment, but not as hard or as frequent as before. And life became easier!
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