“Do not go gentle into that good night, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” I always loved this line in the poem by Dylan Thomas…a battle cry of defiance and the refusal to settle. The truth was, that if it were not for my own odyssey into chronic pain, I may never have plucked up the courage to act on that inner rebellion.
The emotion of anger gets a bad rap. Its connotations can range from unpleasant, to anti social, to violent, but what are the implications of its disavowal? As humans, we are meant to experience the entire range of emotions and when we disallow them we pay a heavy price. Emotions such as rage, resentment, guilt, sadness, shame, fear, and even love, get relegated to the bowels of our unconscious where they are left to fester. Dr. Sarno recognized the role of chronic pain as a distraction mechanism and a defense against what he termed the “reservoir of rage”, threatening to erupt to the surface at any time. I was confronted with my own cauldron of suppressed rage in therapy, when I finally verbalized the intolerably ugly feelings and impulses I had towards my young son with autism. By granting myself permission to own the rage, while having compassion for the rage, I freed myself from the shackles of guilt and self judgment. They didn’t define me as some kind of monster or degenerate mother, and I certainly would never act out those horrifying stories or impulses my brain seemed to conjure. They were just emotions, and as such, normal and safe!
I came to realize that the anger was not the problem, it was my lack of tolerance to it (as well as to other emotions I had deemed “unacceptable”). If it didn’t fit with the idealized image of myself, I concealed them from myself. The unintended consequence of hiding myself from myself, was living half a life in a self created prison. By acknowledging and even embracing the kaleidoscope of emotions, I could finally feel the feelings, rather than freeze or suppress. I learned that I could even use anger to create safety, through asserting myself or setting boundaries. Although our culture tends to view anger as a negative emotion, recent neuroscience has turned that view on its head. The evolutionary purpose of anger was survival, and thus “positive”. If the anger can be separated out from harmful or destructive actions, it can be channeled in a multitude of positive motivational directions. Depending on the situation, anger can be healthy or toxic. While unbridled fury is unproductive, anger can be a catalyst to stand up for yourself….to be be fiercely in your own corner. Anger can also act as a counterpoint to fear, spurring a person on to become more creative, ambitious, more of a leader, and more of a risk taker.
As someone who wishes to spread the message of the mind body approach, I have often been the recipient of aggression and hostility ….in online groups, private emails, and most recently a bruising experience at a live Q & A with one CRPS group of sufferers. I reason that if Dr. Sarno was willing to be viewed as a heretic, for the sake of disseminating the truth to the world, than I’m willing to go to the mat with an occasional naysayer to further his mission. In that sense, I am channeling my own anger for good. I no longer need to avoid “controversy” or the displeasure of others, or harm myself with “goodism”, when I know that I’m speaking my truth. As Mohammed Ali quipped, “It’s not bragging, if you have something to back it up.” I no longer fear my anger, as I know it won’t lead to hate, but hopefully a better understanding of myself and others. Zsa Zsa Gabor said it best darrrlinkk !, “I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.”
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